Oniisan Issues
by MissFaerieKaiti
Summary: Sasuke and Itachi play for the camera the first time they meet in years, the first time since Itachi killed the entire Uchiha clan. How does Itachi deal with being gone so long? Some Itachi OOCness; No Pairings; Read and Review! Now complete!
1. Scene 1, Take 1

**Haha, yeah, so this is when we first see Itachi and Sasuke meeting after Itachi killed the whole clan and left Sasuke. It was just a random idea I got, and it contains some pretty major OOC moments, especially with Itachi, I think. I'm trying to get over writer's block; gimme a break if I feel the need to write something completely random in order to try and demolish it. xD;**

**Shikamaru: *sigh* Because Kaiti likes Taylor (Neji and TenTen 4ever) so much and her idea for disclaimers, I'm here to say she owns nothing here.**

**Kaiti: *fangirlsqueehugglezShikamaru***

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~Take 1, and ACTION!~

"It's been a long time," Itachi said without turning around. Kisame paused, startled slightly, wondering for a split second what Itachi meant.

"Sasuke," Itachi added, knowing his younger brother was behind him.

"Itachi Uchiha," Sasuke spat out through gritted teeth.

Itachi turned slightly and caught sight of Sasuke. In a moment, all calmness vanished and he leaped at Sasuke like an over-eager puppy, tackling him in a hug. "Oh-em-gee, you've grown so much! You look so much older and stronger, Sasuke!"

Sasuke stiffened, while Naruto's jaw hit the floor.

Kisame snorted. "Way to break the tension, Itachi."

"Itachi." This time, Sasuke sounded less hateful and more exasperated. "That's not how your line goes." There were times he wondered who was really the younger brother.

Itachi backed up, returning to the character he displayed most often. "You're right. Let's start over."

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~Take 2, and ACTION!~

"It's been a long time," Itachi repeated. Naruto and Kisame went through the same surprised reaction as before, then Itachi added again, "Sasuke."

"Itachi Uchiha," Sasuke growled.

"Itachi? _Uchiha?_" Naruto repeated incredulously.

"Well, the Sharingan," Kisame said, grinning over his shoulder. "And he looks an awful lot like you—"

He was broken off by Itachi, who had apparently once more slipped out of the evil onii-san role he was supposed to be carrying. "I _know_, doesn't he? He even styled the front of his hair after me! And he graduated at the top of his class in an effort to be like me!"

Itachi probably would've gone on longer, but Naruto was giving him a look like he had gone mad. Kisame had also raised an eyebrow, and Sasuke was rolling his eyes.

"This is the look I've had for years," Sasuke reminded him. "And not because of you, but because this is what my – our – parents liked on me. The same people you killed."

"Yeah, um, this is great and all, but can we just finish this scene already?" Naruto complained. "I want to get over to Ichiraku's before they close!"

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~Take 3, and ACTION!~

"It's been a long time. Sasuke," Itachi said again. Naruto and Kisame were beginning to feel like a broken record as they went through the same motions as before.

"Itachi Uchi—"

This interruption was caused by a very loud and embarrassing stomach-growl coming from, not Naruto's, who had just complained about wanting food, but from Sasuke's stomach.

"Sasuke, have you been eating enough lately?" Itachi asked, raising an eyebrow.

Sasuke felt his face burning, so he yelled at Itachi to try and cover it up. "What do you think? The entire reason I had to skip lunch to come here and now miss supper is because of you!" he shouted.

Itachi closed his eyes. "I'm flattered."

Sasuke was about to protest that it wasn't a compliment, but at that moment, Itachi's hand protruded from his cape, holding an apple. He tossed it to Sasuke.

"Eat this quickly so we can keep moving."

"Man, you're the reason we had to take it over again the first two times," Naruto muttered, his own stomach growling at the sight of food.

Itachi tossed a second apple at Naruto to keep him quiet, then pulled a third for himself. He then pulled out another apple and handed it to Kisame. Naruto suspiciously studied his Akatsuki cape, wondering just how many apples he could fit without looking weird – or weird_er_, he guessed.

Kisame sighed. This day would never end.

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*pokes* So, what did you think? I had fun writing this, short as it was. xP Reviews are very, very much appreciated! ^_^~


	2. Scene 1, Take 15

**I actually had no intention of continuing this, but a super awesome person asked me to AND gave me an idea for it, so how on earth could I refuse? x3**

**Who's the super awesome person, you ask? Neji and TenTen 4ever! 8D  
...You never heard of her? You've NEVER heard of THE Neji and TenTen 4ever? WHAT'S WRONG WITH CHU? Dx**

**Shikamaru: *sighs and plugs ears* Man, if you continue on like that, you're gonna give me a headache. You're such a pain sometimes.**

**Kaiti: *squeehuggle* 8D Sorry! 83**

**Shikamaru: Kaiti still owns nothing. -_-**

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~Take 15, and ACTION!~

"It's just as you said, onii-san," Sasuke growled, his voice filled to the brim with hatred and venom. "I've fostered my hatred for you, all this time. I've lived my life for one single purpose..." Sasuke made a few handsigns and Chidori began. "...To see you DIE!"

On that happy note, Itachi's eyes widened, then his face flushed happily and his eyes turned sparkly. "Chidori? CHIDORI? Otouto, you ARE stronger, to be able to use such a magnificent jutsu~!" he squealed, his tone of voice and voice not matching well at all. He was practically jumping up and down in his excitement.

Sasuke's eye twitched. "Then would you mind dying? Or at _least_ getting your line straight?"

"Seriously, are we ever going to get to the scene where I get to yell at Pervy Sage?" Naruto complained.

"Patience, Fox Demon," Kisame sighed. "Itachi has not quite been himself lately."

"You think?" Sasuke muttered from the other side of the hall.

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~Take 16, and ACTION!~

"It's just as you said, onii-san," Sasuke repeated, his fury seeming real once more. "I've fostered my hatred for you, all this time. I've lived my life for one single purpose..." Chidori started up again. "...To see you DIE! It ends here!"

"Sasuke!" Naruto gasped.

"Enough!" Sasuke shouted, punching the wall with Chidori and running full speed at Itachi. "You're DEAD!"

Itachi caught his hand, and Chidori sputtered to a stop, useless. Itachi's grip on Sasuke's arm tightened, and Sasuke groaned in pain.

Suddenly, Itachi picked Sasuke up and began to run off. "Sasuke, that sounded like it hurt!" he said, panic in his voice. "We had better call that nice young medic you're dating – Sakura, right? SAKURA!"

Sasuke's face flushed again. "Put me down, Itachi!" he shouted. "We're not- I mean- Just STOP! I was _supposed_ to sound like it hurt!"

Itachi slowed and examined Sasuke's arm nervously himself. "So you're not really hurt? You're sure? Because we can rewrite the script!"

The expression on Sasuke's face caused Itachi to pause and return the two of them to Naruto and Kisame, who both sweatdropped.

"Right. Let's continue, shall we?" Itachi said, calm as ever as though nothing had happened.

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~Take 17, and ACTION!~

It's just as you said, onii-san," Sasuke spat out once more. "I've fostered my hatred for you, all this time. I've lived my life for one single purpose..." Sasuke began Chidori once more, feeling his chakra near empty. "...To see you DIE! It ends here!"

"Sasuke!" Naruto said again.

"Enough! You're DEAD!" Sasuke yelled, immediately running towards Itachi after punching Chidori into the wall again to do considerable vandalism.

"Sasuke, stop!" Itachi shouted suddenly, holding his hand out.

Sasuke was startled into stopping. "What is it _now_?" he asked.

Itachi picked up a penny from the ground and handed it to Sasuke. "You were about to step on it. It was heads up. See a penny, pick it up, and all the day you'll have good luck," he said, reciting something little kids said.

Sasuke banged his head against the wall. "Right. Shame on me," he muttered sarcastically.

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Well, what do you think? ^^ Review, please and thank you! 83


	3. Scene 2, Take 30

**For lack of being able to come up with more, this chapter has two takes instead of three. Still, I hope you enjoy! ^^**

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~Take 30, and ACTION!~

"I know he's the one you're really after," Jiraiya said, referring to Naruto.

Sasuke looked up at Itachi, disbelief and even more betrayal evident in his expression from where he lay prostrate on the floor, his arm broken or at least close enough to it.

Itachi glanced down at his younger brother, then knelt beside him, tears flowing down his cheeks in rivers. "Sasuke, forgive me! You know I really did come after you! Naruto and the demon inside him was just an excuse I used! Master Jiraiya was misinformed, that's all!" he insisted. "What reason _wouldn't_ I have for wanting to see my little baby brother again after all this time!"

Kisame and Naruto sighed, the same thing running through both their minds: Here we go again. Jiraiya's jaw hit the floor the way Naruto's had the first time Itachi had broken character. Sasuke's eye twitched once again.

"And to prove it, I'll let you get your revenge! Stand, O Mighty Sasuke the Great, and claim my life to avenge our clan!" Itachi stood, still crying, and the background suddenly became the ocean at sunset, Itachi standing on a large boulder. Waves crashed high behind him.

"Iiiitaaachiiiii," Sasuke complained.

The Gai-and-Lee-copyrighted background faded and Itachi looked down at Sasuke again. "Oh, right. I probably need to stop doing this type of thing, huh?"

"Probably," Naruto muttered next to a still-gaping Jiraiya.

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~Take 31, and ACTION!~

"I know he's the one you're really after," Jiraiya repeated, still talking about Naruto.

Sasuke glared up at Itachi, the same expression as before etched in his face.

Itachi didn't even twitch. "That explains how Kakashi knew. Now I understand. He learned it from you," Itachi said. "You're right. Naruto is the prize that the Akatski are after."

Naruto's eyes were wide.

"…PSYCHE!" Itachi then shouted. "You really think I meant that, even after saying I came for my dear little brother?" He knelt next to Sasuke again and huggled him.

Naruto stared. "Uh, yeah, I think we got the general message."

Sasuke glared at the wall over Itachi's shoulder, since he couldn't very well glare at Itachi from this position. "You did it again," he told Itachi, annoyed.

"I did, didn't I?" Itachi sat back and studied Sasuke for a few minutes.

"Is this why it took so long for me to enter?" Jiraiya asked, pointing at the two.

Kisame sighed. "Pretty much."

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Okay, so I think that unless I come up with some totally awesome ideas that absolutely demand to be written, or unless I get ideas from readers/reviewers, this is going to be my last chapter. Sorry! :/

**Anyways, even if you don't have any ideas, don't let that stop you from reviewing this chapter! xP I still wanna know what you think! ^_^ **


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